Hi everyone, sorry I haven't updated like I should, but this blogging thing has proven to be a lot harder than I thought, writing about my feelings, and sharing it with so many of you, has opened a door I thought long closed. I find myself missing my family and my country more and more each day. I thought I had assimilated, I thought I wasn't homesick anymore, I thought I was happy, but to be honest, now I don't really know what I think.
I picture myself feeling like a child from divorced parents might feel... I have two countries I love, each of them has given me so much, and now I'm torn apart, trying to decide where I really want to be, which one I love the most.
Do I want to be in Mexico? Where my family is, where I spent the first 20 years of my life, where I became who I am today? Do I want to live in the US, where my children were born, where I found a whole new family made of loving and caring friends and where I've grown so much?
Some of you might say, "Just go back to your country if you miss it that much", but the thing is, THIS is my country too!! At least I think so sometimes, and some other times I feel like such an outsider, do other people feel like me? I remember feeling like an outsider in Mexico sometimes, I guess you can feel like an outsider in your own family....
What would you do? Have you ever felt like me?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
TOhis BE or NOT TO BE
I understand the frustration of tax paying US citizens, how many times have I heard that on the news or read it on the paper, people are tired of illegal immigrants who don't pay taxes and take advantage of the government benefits. Why won't they just become legal?
It is the purpose of my blog to express in a respectful way, the views of the so called illegal immigrants.
I came into this country with a tourist visa, it wasn't really my intention to stay, I loved my country, and yes, I won't lie, the are many wrong things with it, we had a very corrupt government for many years, the current President is still trying to clean out all the scorn that made it's way into official positions, I didn't have the best clothes or the latest gadgets, but I wasn't starving either, I got and education and could make a descent living for my self.
Nevertheless, I stayed, I was pregnant when I got here, and by the time I was supposed to be on my way, I was already too far into my pregnancy to risk going all the way back. So I gave birth to my first "Anchor Baby" , a term which most of the media (Glen Beck being one of them) uses to refer to the children of illegal immigrants born on USA soil. (I will cover the Anchor Baby topic on another entry). I didn't apply for residency then, because I was going to go back to Mexico, and I did, and I would've done it earlier if it hadn't been a risk to my pregnancy.
While I was in Mexico, Jose (the father of my baby), whose father had applied for his legal residency about 10 years back, got a call from immigration, they had an answer for him, he traveled to Ciudad Juarez in Mexico and was granted permanent residency in the US. He had to go back to the US within the next 30 days, so he did. All of a sudden I found myself, at 20 yrs. old, with a fatherless newborn. Jose (my baby's father) went back to the states, got a job, and would send money every month, he missed the first 8 months of our baby's life, it was then, that I decided I should join him, we needed to be together, as a family. I applied for another tourist visa, and since I wasn't going to work I wasn't doing anything Illegal. Then I got pregnant again, 40 weeks later I had my second baby (yeah another one of those anchor babies), and it was then that I decided I really did want to live here, and I should apply for my legal residency. I did so in February '03.
It's now 2008, it's been five years since I filed my application, I haven't done anything illegal on the meantime, I haven't run through a red light, or drove under the influence, or any of those things illegal aliens are best known for. Because I'm on a legalization process, it would be illegal for me to work, so I don't. We live on my husband's moderate income. And it's really hard to afford a family of four with one income, my husband usually works more than two jobs so we can make ends meet. Because I don't want to do anything illegal I have to struggle daily knowing I could be out there with the rest of the "criminals" working to put food on my kids table.
So I understand what being illegal means, and I also understand the importance of trying to become legal. But I certainly understand the question that many immigrants face daily in this country To Be or Not to Be. For many to be illegal means being able to work and try to make a better living for their families, for many others like me to be legal (or on the process of it) means to watch your family struggle and know that there's a long wait before you can do anything about it.
It is the purpose of my blog to express in a respectful way, the views of the so called illegal immigrants.
I came into this country with a tourist visa, it wasn't really my intention to stay, I loved my country, and yes, I won't lie, the are many wrong things with it, we had a very corrupt government for many years, the current President is still trying to clean out all the scorn that made it's way into official positions, I didn't have the best clothes or the latest gadgets, but I wasn't starving either, I got and education and could make a descent living for my self.
Nevertheless, I stayed, I was pregnant when I got here, and by the time I was supposed to be on my way, I was already too far into my pregnancy to risk going all the way back. So I gave birth to my first "Anchor Baby" , a term which most of the media (Glen Beck being one of them) uses to refer to the children of illegal immigrants born on USA soil. (I will cover the Anchor Baby topic on another entry). I didn't apply for residency then, because I was going to go back to Mexico, and I did, and I would've done it earlier if it hadn't been a risk to my pregnancy.
While I was in Mexico, Jose (the father of my baby), whose father had applied for his legal residency about 10 years back, got a call from immigration, they had an answer for him, he traveled to Ciudad Juarez in Mexico and was granted permanent residency in the US. He had to go back to the US within the next 30 days, so he did. All of a sudden I found myself, at 20 yrs. old, with a fatherless newborn. Jose (my baby's father) went back to the states, got a job, and would send money every month, he missed the first 8 months of our baby's life, it was then, that I decided I should join him, we needed to be together, as a family. I applied for another tourist visa, and since I wasn't going to work I wasn't doing anything Illegal. Then I got pregnant again, 40 weeks later I had my second baby (yeah another one of those anchor babies), and it was then that I decided I really did want to live here, and I should apply for my legal residency. I did so in February '03.
It's now 2008, it's been five years since I filed my application, I haven't done anything illegal on the meantime, I haven't run through a red light, or drove under the influence, or any of those things illegal aliens are best known for. Because I'm on a legalization process, it would be illegal for me to work, so I don't. We live on my husband's moderate income. And it's really hard to afford a family of four with one income, my husband usually works more than two jobs so we can make ends meet. Because I don't want to do anything illegal I have to struggle daily knowing I could be out there with the rest of the "criminals" working to put food on my kids table.
About illegals getting government help or benefits, I cannot speak for anyone but for myself, my family doesn't get any kind of government funded help, we pay our bills and our taxes like everyone else.
So I understand what being illegal means, and I also understand the importance of trying to become legal. But I certainly understand the question that many immigrants face daily in this country To Be or Not to Be. For many to be illegal means being able to work and try to make a better living for their families, for many others like me to be legal (or on the process of it) means to watch your family struggle and know that there's a long wait before you can do anything about it.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Response to comment
This entry is in reply to Mollie's comment.
Mollie, in your comment you asked my views on the immigrants that don't want to learn the language, and if I know anyone like that, if it's a misconception that they don't want to learn and they do want to learn but don't have the opportunity.
Well, in the almost 8 years I've been in this country I haven't met one immigrant legal or illegal from Mexico or any other country that doesn't want to learn English. I cannot speak for every immigrant, but at least the ones I've had the pleasure to meet have all been hard working people who would love to be able to be fluent on the language of their children and their communities.
English as any language takes a long time to learn, you will find out in my upcoming posts that it took me about 7 to 10 years altogether to have the level of proficiency that I now have, and still there are many words that I don't know, many sounds that I haven't and probably will never master, and it's not due to lack of brains or will, it's because the alphabet I learned as a very young child doesn't have many of the sounds (phonetics) of the English alphabet, I know I will never be able to sound "shoe" the right way, my daughter makes sure to remind me of that every time I tell her to tie hers. She says, "Mommy, is shoe, not choe", or I'll never be able to say zoo or Zoe, no matter how many times I practice or how many hours I spend listening to my children speak, trying to get from them some of that easiness of their speech.
I don't believe anyone enjoys not being understood, weather it's at the register at the store or in a case of emergency. I've been there as an interpreter when doctors deliver bad news to terrified parents about their children's health, does anyone really believe that those parents don't wish they knew English?? Are we really that insensitive to believe that "those" people, "those" immigrants choose to be helpless in that kind of situation??
I know a lot of immigrants that with little or no education, try to make a good living for themselves and their children, that work long hours and come home to rush their children to a tutor or an English speaking friend that can help with homework and translating school letters. Wishing they had the time to find an English class, wishing they had the money to purchase those expensive programs that promise you will learn English in the comfort of your living room.
Maybe one day scientist will come with some sort of Language Pill, but till then, I know a lot of immigrants like me, will spend countless hours and dollars trying to learn English, wishing it wasn't so hard, wishing it didn't take so long, wishing they didn't feel so embarrassed when people don't know what you are saying and you know you are trying your best, it sounded right on your head, but somehow your thought got lost in translation.
Mollie, in your comment you asked my views on the immigrants that don't want to learn the language, and if I know anyone like that, if it's a misconception that they don't want to learn and they do want to learn but don't have the opportunity.
Well, in the almost 8 years I've been in this country I haven't met one immigrant legal or illegal from Mexico or any other country that doesn't want to learn English. I cannot speak for every immigrant, but at least the ones I've had the pleasure to meet have all been hard working people who would love to be able to be fluent on the language of their children and their communities.
English as any language takes a long time to learn, you will find out in my upcoming posts that it took me about 7 to 10 years altogether to have the level of proficiency that I now have, and still there are many words that I don't know, many sounds that I haven't and probably will never master, and it's not due to lack of brains or will, it's because the alphabet I learned as a very young child doesn't have many of the sounds (phonetics) of the English alphabet, I know I will never be able to sound "shoe" the right way, my daughter makes sure to remind me of that every time I tell her to tie hers. She says, "Mommy, is shoe, not choe", or I'll never be able to say zoo or Zoe, no matter how many times I practice or how many hours I spend listening to my children speak, trying to get from them some of that easiness of their speech.
I don't believe anyone enjoys not being understood, weather it's at the register at the store or in a case of emergency. I've been there as an interpreter when doctors deliver bad news to terrified parents about their children's health, does anyone really believe that those parents don't wish they knew English?? Are we really that insensitive to believe that "those" people, "those" immigrants choose to be helpless in that kind of situation??
I know a lot of immigrants that with little or no education, try to make a good living for themselves and their children, that work long hours and come home to rush their children to a tutor or an English speaking friend that can help with homework and translating school letters. Wishing they had the time to find an English class, wishing they had the money to purchase those expensive programs that promise you will learn English in the comfort of your living room.
Maybe one day scientist will come with some sort of Language Pill, but till then, I know a lot of immigrants like me, will spend countless hours and dollars trying to learn English, wishing it wasn't so hard, wishing it didn't take so long, wishing they didn't feel so embarrassed when people don't know what you are saying and you know you are trying your best, it sounded right on your head, but somehow your thought got lost in translation.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Learning the Language
My first memory of the English language is as a First grader at the Colegio Nicolas Bravo, an all girl Catholic school which I would attend from the 1st through 4th grade.
I remember playing outside, holding hands on a circle of girls, chanting the words, Ecky-Becky, soda-cracker, Ecky-Becky boo, Ecky-Becky, soda-cracker, I pick you! without having any knowledge of what any of those words meant. I remember singing songs in the classroom during English class about chickens and hens, doors and windows, non of it making much sense to me at the time.
Then, when I was in the 5th grade we moved to a different neighborhood in our same town, and we met a nice family that lived a couple streets down from us, they were Christian Missionaries from Texas and were living in Mexico at the time. They had 5 children, ranging from the ages 2 to 10. Since they were from Texas they spoke English, they spoke Spanish too, but used English more. My younger sister and I quickly became friends with the children, we enjoyed riding bikes together, playing ball, tag, etc. And I loved mimicking they way they spoke, even if I had no idea of what they were saying or if I was saying it wrong, I loved the way the words formed in my mouth, the softness of the R's, the lingering of the Z's.
Mrs. Klingan (the mother) noticing my interest on their language offered to teach me and the other kids in the neighborhood English, for 1 peso, that was about 10 American cents.
She thought us songs and Bible stories and she thought us Words! Words! I was so in love with all those words "purple" "apple" "car" "zoo", the way they sounded, the way you had to hold your throat and roll your tongue way up high in your palate. I was always quick to try to guess the meaning of this words, sometimes I was right, most times wrong.
I learned so much from this woman, little did I know at the time how much. Those were the most well spent pesos in my whole life.
I remember playing outside, holding hands on a circle of girls, chanting the words, Ecky-Becky, soda-cracker, Ecky-Becky boo, Ecky-Becky, soda-cracker, I pick you! without having any knowledge of what any of those words meant. I remember singing songs in the classroom during English class about chickens and hens, doors and windows, non of it making much sense to me at the time.
Then, when I was in the 5th grade we moved to a different neighborhood in our same town, and we met a nice family that lived a couple streets down from us, they were Christian Missionaries from Texas and were living in Mexico at the time. They had 5 children, ranging from the ages 2 to 10. Since they were from Texas they spoke English, they spoke Spanish too, but used English more. My younger sister and I quickly became friends with the children, we enjoyed riding bikes together, playing ball, tag, etc. And I loved mimicking they way they spoke, even if I had no idea of what they were saying or if I was saying it wrong, I loved the way the words formed in my mouth, the softness of the R's, the lingering of the Z's.
Mrs. Klingan (the mother) noticing my interest on their language offered to teach me and the other kids in the neighborhood English, for 1 peso, that was about 10 American cents.
She thought us songs and Bible stories and she thought us Words! Words! I was so in love with all those words "purple" "apple" "car" "zoo", the way they sounded, the way you had to hold your throat and roll your tongue way up high in your palate. I was always quick to try to guess the meaning of this words, sometimes I was right, most times wrong.
I learned so much from this woman, little did I know at the time how much. Those were the most well spent pesos in my whole life.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Top Ten
Here are the Top 10 questions I've been asked since I came to the US.
And some of my answers.
1. Is Mexico a country?
Yes, that large area (761,606 sq. miles) that borders California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas is a country.
2. How did you get here?
Aah, on an airplane.
3.Are you here to pick the fruit?
No, unless is from the produce section at the supermarket.
4.Do you speak Mexican?
No, I speak Spanish. Spanish is also spoken in about 18 other countries as an official language and many more as a second or non-recognized language.
5.Did you get your house for FREE?
I wish, but NO, I am still paying for it!
6.Do you pay TAXES?
Doesn't everybody?
7.Do you eat beans everyday? Do they give you gas?
No, I don't eat beans every day. Do they give YOU gas??
8.Had you ever had pizza before?
Yes I have, and NO it didn't have beans on it.
9.Do you know how to use a cell phone?
Yes, I do.
10. Do you sleep on the floor?
No, unless I'm camping somewhere.
These are actual questions asked to me by either well intended friends or random people on the store, hospital, school, etc.
I feel like sometimes people in the US look at Mexico more as a foreign planet than a neighboring country, maybe that's why we immigrants are called "Aliens".
And some of my answers.
1. Is Mexico a country?
Yes, that large area (761,606 sq. miles) that borders California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas is a country.
2. How did you get here?
Aah, on an airplane.
3.Are you here to pick the fruit?
No, unless is from the produce section at the supermarket.
4.Do you speak Mexican?
No, I speak Spanish. Spanish is also spoken in about 18 other countries as an official language and many more as a second or non-recognized language.
5.Did you get your house for FREE?
I wish, but NO, I am still paying for it!
6.Do you pay TAXES?
Doesn't everybody?
7.Do you eat beans everyday? Do they give you gas?
No, I don't eat beans every day. Do they give YOU gas??
8.Had you ever had pizza before?
Yes I have, and NO it didn't have beans on it.
9.Do you know how to use a cell phone?
Yes, I do.
10. Do you sleep on the floor?
No, unless I'm camping somewhere.
These are actual questions asked to me by either well intended friends or random people on the store, hospital, school, etc.
I feel like sometimes people in the US look at Mexico more as a foreign planet than a neighboring country, maybe that's why we immigrants are called "Aliens".
Thursday, April 3, 2008
HOW I GOT HERE
On the next couple of postings I'll try to explain my journey to becoming an American.
Well, I got here pretty much the same way anybody gets here. My parents fell in love and got married back in 1975, and had four children on the course of 7 years. I am the third out of four children, and like any other middle child I quickly learned to blend in or stand out as needed.
My dad is of Spanish descent and my mother of French descent, which explain my fair complexion and freckles.
Mexico was conquered by the Spaniards, then the French took over, and then came the Mexican Revolution in which Mexico finally took over the government of their own country, of course this was way back before my time, but I thought it worth of mention, since a lot of people ignore this facts and find it hard to believe that a Mexican would have French blood running through their veins.
I was born in 1980 in Saltillo, Coah. a town in the north of Mexico, about 6 hours from the border with Texas. As a child, my parents took us on vacation and shopping trips to Corpus Christi, Laredo and Eagle Pass countless of times, so as a young child I already had a bit of knowledge of "the other side" . In order to make this trips, we needed a Border Crossing Card, No we didn't swim across the river or ran through the desert, we simply got in our car and drove.
And that's the story of how I got here as in "this world", how I got HERE to the USA will be told soon, so come back and visit my blog.
Well, I got here pretty much the same way anybody gets here. My parents fell in love and got married back in 1975, and had four children on the course of 7 years. I am the third out of four children, and like any other middle child I quickly learned to blend in or stand out as needed.
My dad is of Spanish descent and my mother of French descent, which explain my fair complexion and freckles.
Mexico was conquered by the Spaniards, then the French took over, and then came the Mexican Revolution in which Mexico finally took over the government of their own country, of course this was way back before my time, but I thought it worth of mention, since a lot of people ignore this facts and find it hard to believe that a Mexican would have French blood running through their veins.
I was born in 1980 in Saltillo, Coah. a town in the north of Mexico, about 6 hours from the border with Texas. As a child, my parents took us on vacation and shopping trips to Corpus Christi, Laredo and Eagle Pass countless of times, so as a young child I already had a bit of knowledge of "the other side" . In order to make this trips, we needed a Border Crossing Card, No we didn't swim across the river or ran through the desert, we simply got in our car and drove.
And that's the story of how I got here as in "this world", how I got HERE to the USA will be told soon, so come back and visit my blog.
First Timer
Hey everybody, I'm really excited, this is my first time posting, for those who know me, the name of the blog is gonna make complete sense, for those who don't you might be wondering, what the??
I decided to use this space to vent my frustrations as I become Legal in this country. There's a lot of misinformation about the way someone becomes "legal", and I just wanted to share with anyone that wants to have a bit of insight in the life of an immigrant.
I decided to use this space to vent my frustrations as I become Legal in this country. There's a lot of misinformation about the way someone becomes "legal", and I just wanted to share with anyone that wants to have a bit of insight in the life of an immigrant.
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