Has it really been that long?

Wow, almost exaclty a year ago was my last entry on this blog. Many things have happened since then, some good, some bad.... Well, thankfully my son recovered fully from his dive from a second story house onto concrete....it will be a year of that on the 23rd.....I'm back in the US, yes, back where the days are slow and winter is cold...not much has changed in town....but there have been many changes in my life....I've met new people, I've made new friends. Sadly I've also lost many friends, some I regret losing, some I now realize weren't really such a big loss. I guess my new life style doesn't fit into their perfect life style, maybe, I don't know.

I've become this horrible person, that does what she wants without worrying what people say, I've gotten closer to God and farther from church, I've given up an unhealthy relationship that only caused hurt, I've taken jobs cleaning houses and selling hotdogs, just so I can be independant, I've started a relationship with a guy that takes me on bike rides and is not scared of showing me (or anybody else) how in love he is with me.....and the worse thing....I AM HAPPY.. yeah, shocking! According to some people I should be miserable, actually according to some people I look miserable! and bitter! well, maybe some days I am miserable and bitter, but honestly, most days, specially those days I get to hang out with my children or when I am on the back of a motorcycle on Skyline drive, I'm happy.

And I don't have to worry anymore about seeming happy all the time, and having this happy face for the world and worry that my friends or people at church would know how really my marriage is not that great and my life is not that good, and I'm really not that happy and I better load up on my antidepressants and antianxiety just to make it through one more day of my perfect little life in my perfect little house with the white picket fence.

Thank goodness my life is not perfect anymore ( I sometimes miss the house though, haha), my life is a mess, I'm going through a nasty separation, and not looking forward to the actual legal divorce, I have to "share" my kids with my ex so I don't see them two weekends a month, I sell hot dogs one day and clean toilets the next, I have a boyfriend that is crazy about me(yes, I have a boyfriend, and yes I'm still not fully divorced). I've been labeled and pointed at and what not, I feel like I live out of my car sometimes, and my true friends I can count with the fingers of one hand, but like I said, I'm happy, I'm not afraid to say it.....

This last year many things happened, many things changed, but the most important thing is that I've realized what it is that I really wanted....I came up with a phrase that keeps popping in my head every time I feel like I should care about what people have to say..."I lived my teens doing what my mom wanted me to do, I lived my 20's doing what my husband (ex) wanted me to do, I plan on living my 30's doing what I want to do" and, THAT, my friends is the truth....